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Sunday, 12 May 2013

How to Brush Jamie's Teeth

Here is a beginner's guide on how to brush the teeth of a child with special needs, in ten easy steps.
  1. Approach the subject, keeping the toothbrush away from the swinging hands and avoiding the kicks.
  2. Take his dummy out of his mouth and put it to one side.
  3. Remove anything from his hands that could be used a s a weapon.
  4. Try to persuade the subject to co-operate, then quickly accept that that is not going to happen.
  5. When the subject shouts "HELP ME!" try to slide to toothbrush into his mouth.
  6. Grip the toothbrush in your own teeth while you use both hands to restrain the subject to prevent him from grabbing the toothbrush.
  7. Realize that if you are using both hands to restrain the subject, you do not have enough hands to actually do the teeth-brushing.
  8. Consider, for a moment, trying to brush his teeth while gripping the toothbrush in your own teeth, before quickly realizing that that is a ridiculous idea.
  9. Consider sitting on/tying up/sedating the subject, but keep saying to yourself "imagine social services are watching" over and over until you come to your senses.
  10. Get his mother to do it instead.

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